Obsessions
by LawliPop
Summary: It's not the the first dream he’s had about Oz, nor is it his first erotic dream ever, but it still frightens him. // Rated M to be safe.


_Lawli: Soo.. I checked out the PH kink meme. It's pretty amazing so I decided to try a hand at filling a reqest. First time ever, so I apologize if it's crap. _

_**Prompt**: "Gilbert thinks dirty thoughts about Oz and starts feeling ashamed...After all, even though ten years have passed, his master still has the body of an adolescent boy...So what I want ...is some good ol' classic guilty masturbation. With disgust afterward. Not quite angst, but just make him feel like a horrible person"_

_**Warnings**: adorably pathetic twenty-four-year-old Gilbert lusting after oblivous fifteen-year-old Oz, masturbation and imaginary sex. Tried to keep it relatively clean but you know what's going on._

_**Disclaimer:** Don't own. Never will. -sobsob-_

_Enjoy Gil hating himself, ya'll._

* * *

Gilbert's breaths came out in short pants, fogging the mirror of the bathroom which his forehead was currently pressed against; beside it, his right hand, clenched in a tight first with nails biting into the skin. His other hand disappeared underneath his layers of clothing and curled around the throbbing problem he'd awoken with in the middle of the night.

_He envisions Oz, beautiful and untouched by the passage of time, lying underneath him, eyes glassy with the pleasure of what they've done and a want for something more – a desire only Gilbert, hovering over him, can fulfill. Oz parts his legs slightly in invitation and Gilbert kisses his way up one of those legs, starting at the ankle and working up to a creamy inner thigh before wrapping Oz's leg over his shoulder and positioning himself for what comes next. Oz grasps the bed sheets and begs in a soft, breathy voice for him not to stop. _

It wasn't the first dream he'd had about Oz, nor was it his first erotic dream ever. Ever since Oz returned to him Gilbert's nights were filled with images of the boy. The dreams started off innocently enough – mainly recreations of their childhood days, playing and laughing in the vast lawn of the Bezarius estate – but they weren't all so harmless, and each night it only seemed to get worse. This was the third night in a row he'd awoken in a sweat with an ache between his legs.

_And it is a glorious, tight heat that comes next, engulfing Gilbert, the sensation alone dragging a moan from his lips that is effectively muffled by Oz's mouth. With a hand entangled in Gilbert's sweat-slicked hair, Oz kisses him hard. Gilbert moves, pulling almost fully out of Oz and then relishing the soft gasp as he slides back in, and then repeating the action. Again and again, slowly at first but steadily growing faster, in tune with tiny whimpers the likes of which Gilbert has never heard from his master, which he greedily swallows up before they have the chance to turn into anything louder. _

His hand worked faster, Gilbert wanting to get the job done as quickly and quietly as possible. Break had the uncanny ability to pop up at the most humiliating of times, and Oz was asleep in the room next door. Even after ten years Gilbert remembered how light a sleeper his master was. The last thing he wanted was to be caught in the act. Not only would he be teased mercilessly (neither Oz nor Break were the type to keep quiet about anything) but Gilbert would have to explain himself, and how could he ever explain that he was pleasuring himself to the image of his young master – a _fifteen-year-old_ boy?!

_"Gil... G-Gil!"_

Then, it was as if someone relinquished their hold on a rubbed-band that had been stretched to its limit. Gilbert whimpered as suddenly, the tension that had been building steadily within his body was released in a flash of white that distorts the fantasy he'd conjured in his mind.

Golden eyes opened, the image of his own hand, sticky with release, gradually swimming into focus. His stomach knotted with the revolting thought of what he'd just done. The action itself wasn't so terrible; as a healthy adult male, he was subject to the weaknesses of his body on a regular basis. But _this_...

It wasn't right. Not because Oz was his master, or even due to their being of the same gender. It was... Oz was... Over the years, Gilbert had grown up. He was a man now, even if he didn't always feel like one; he was twenty-four years old, and Oz remained the same age as when he'd been dragged into the Abyss. One could argue that the ten years had passed for Oz as well, but the time did not weather his body as it had Gilbert's. Physically he was still a boy, a_ child_, and Gilbert...

Gilbert wanted him just the same, maybe even _because_ of the fact that he hadn't changed at all – because his skin was still velvety and pliant, untouched by anyone, and his lips invitingly soft and hair boyishly light, and he was so small in Gilbert's arms that it felt right to keep him there, and he bet, if he kissed him, Oz would taste of childish things too, like hot chocolate and sugar...

Gilbert placed his clean hand over his mouth, afraid his disgust with himself might manifest in physical sickness if he entertained these thoughts any longer. He wasn't a kid anymore; he should have better control over himself than this. They were only dreams now, but what if Oz found out about them? What if, one day, he acted upon his feelings without meaning to?

A memory came back to him very unexpectedly as he scrubbed the evidence of his sinful thoughts from his hands – a conversation he'd once had with Break not long after he'd contracted Raven, about how his abnormal feelings (loyalty, obsession, or whatever else anyone wanted to call them) for Oz might one day cause his master harm.

_"One day you will hurt the person most important to you..."_

At that time, Gilbert hadn't taken Break seriously, for most of Break's words had no validity behind them and were typically only said to get a rise out of him. But now...

Gilbert caught his reflection in the mirror and frowned, hating the sight of himself right now and so quickly looking away. He feared, and his heart throbbed painfully at the very idea, that Break may actually have been right, even if not in the way he originally figured.

And so he vowed - as his gaze slid back down to his hands, now clean but still forever dirty in his eyes, just like the rest of himself - that this would never happen again.

For his master, he could never allow it to.

* * *

_Lawli: Thanks for reading~_

_And now.... go show the kink meme some love, k guys? Because there's a lot of prompts that still need filling! ;]_


End file.
